


The Art of Moving Forward

by sincelight



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-03
Updated: 2018-07-03
Packaged: 2019-06-04 20:28:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15155018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sincelight/pseuds/sincelight
Summary: Minnie has a lot of growing up to do, and there's no better place to do it than college.





	The Art of Moving Forward

**Author's Note:**

> IT'S BAAAAAAACK BITCHES! This is a spinoff to The Art of Growing Up, from sweet little Minseok's point of view. You'll get to see inside his head and watch him mature and go through some hard times. There will be fluff. There will be smut. There will be angst. But I promise you, there will be a happy ending.
> 
> A few trigger warnings are in order before I get to the story. There are mentions of suicide, mental illness, terminal illness, and a lot of Minseok having anxiety and self-doubt. If you can't read things having to do with those themes, then this fic isn't for you.

_“I just…I don’t know what’s wrong with him? Where did we go wrong?”_

_The woman sighs at her husband, placing a hand on his shoulder. “He’s only a kid, honey, it’s just a phase he’ll grow out of.”_

_The man looks up and nods, “And if he doesn’t? Then what? I don’t want to raise a child like…that.”_

 

 

That conversation plays on a loop in his mind when he’s stressed or anxious, or both. He was eight years old when he’d been eavesdropping and overheard his parents talking about him, like he was some kind of freak, a fluke, a mistake that needed to be fixed.

He’s thinking of that moment right now, while focusing on making it across the stage without tripping and making a fool of himself in front of the entire school and their families. But, he makes it across, despite the foul memory, and he can hear shouting from somewhere in the back; the all-too-familiar voices keeping him grounded, keeping that memory from digging too deep at him.

Once off the stage, it’s not his boyfriend that hugs him first. No, Baekhyun shoves his way past Luhan and throws himself at Minseok, giving him the tightest hug he can possibly manage without actually breaking him.

There are tears streaming from Baekhyun’s eyes; he’s being overdramatic again, but Minseok can’t bring himself to mind. He’s so happy right now, so proud of himself for being here, for making it to this important moment in his life. He pulls away from Baekhyun’s death grip and looks up; his aunt is holding back tears and the rest of his friends, and Luhan, are all smiling wide at him. He doesn’t even wish his parents were here for this, not when everyone here cares more for him than they ever could.

“You stink,” Minseok whispers when Baekhyun pulls him in for another hug. “Like sweat.”

Baekhyun chuckles and steps back, giving Minseok nothing more than a suspicious wink as an answer.

Chanyeol hugs him next; the tallest, loudest, dumbest of his friends. He loves Chanyeol; he’s always been nice to him. He’s always picked him up from under his arms and spun him in a circle; much like he’s doing right now. Minseok giggles as he’s sat back on the ground slightly dizzy.

“Congrats, little dude!” Chanyeol ruffles Minseok’s hair and moves to stand behind Baekhyun.

Jongin doesn’t crush his ribs with a hug, or pick him up to spin him, but he does offer a sincere smile and a poke to his ticklish spot that makes Minseok glare at him.

“How’s it feel to finally graduate?” Luhan asks, eager for his turn to hug his boyfriend. He scoops him up and kisses the top of his head, his forehead, then his lips. He hands the small present he’d bought earlier in the day to Minseok and whispers for him to open it later, then gives him one last kiss before stepping away.

Minseok’s aunt stands still, chin trembling as she fights hard to keep her tears from falling. Her voice breaks when she finally does speak. “I’m so p-proud of you, Min.” She sniffles and, much like Baekhyun, throws herself at the small boy.

He can feel his aunt’s body vibrating as she suppresses silent tears, and his chin trembles now, too. “Do you think they’d care?” he asks, voice barely a whisper in her ear. “Do you think they’d be proud?” He hides his face in his aunt’s chest and lets himself cry.

“ _I don’t want to raise a child like that_.”

He knows it’s Luhan’s arms circling around him, pulling him away from his aunt and into another tight hug. Luhan gently shushes him and rubs circles into his back. He’s whispering sweet things to Minseok that no one else can hear and, whatever words he says, Minseok stops crying and looks up to give him a trembling smile, still trying to catch his breath.

Luhan keeps eye contact with him, breathing slowly with him, in and out, until he’s calmed. His aunt gives Luhan a thankful nod. “I’m paying for dinner for us all tonight, Min,” Luhan says, his palms squishing at Minseok’s cheeks, “anywhere you wanna go, say it and we’re there.”

Minseok gasps and smiles.

 

 

“Ice cream is so not dinner,” Baekhyun whines in his seat, rubbing at his groaning stomach with one hand. “Why did I just know that this is what you would pick?”

Normally, Minseok would pout at Baekhyun for being such a party pooper, but he’s too busy smiling around the spoon in his mouth to care. He enjoys the ice cream until it melts in his mouth, then pulls the spoon out with a soft ‘pop’. “If you’re so hungry, why don’t you have _your_ boyfriend take you to a restaurant and pay for it.”

“That—“ Baekhyun stops with his next word at the tip of his tongue, “I liked you better when you weren’t sassy.” But, his words have no real bite to them, and he and Minseok smile at each other from across the table.

Luhan leans over and knocks Baekhyun on the forehead with his knuckles. “Where do you think he learned the sass from, you moron.”

“Not me!”

“It was you,” Chanyeol says.

“Definitely you,” Jongin agrees.

“You know, if you guys are all gonna gang up on me, I’d prefer it be in the bedroom.” Baekhyun pouts, but it’s fake; everyone knows it’s fake, so they pay it no mind.

It’s been a while since they’ve all been together like this. Chanyeol and Luhan had graduated two years ago, both going off to college and doing their own things. Baekhyun and Jongin graduated the previous year, Jongin joining Chanyeol at school and Baekhyun finally pursuing his dream of becoming a world-famous porn star; which is going surprisingly well (a few people have recognized him when he’s been out shopping).

The last year had been hard for Minseok, with all his friends gone, off living their lives. He was left behind, alone at school, which terrified him at first but it ended up not being as bad as he thought it would be. He was forced further out of his shell, learned to talk to people, bloomed into his own personality better. He’s still shy, still soft spoken, still a little ball of anxiety from time to time. But he’s also loud like Baekhyun, brave like Jongin, confident like Luhan. And, he likes himself just the way he is.

“So, are you excited to start school?” Baekhyun asks.

Minseok just shrugs, “I’m kinda nervous, I guess. It’s a lot of new people…in a place I don’t know.”

“You’ll have me there!” Jongin says, giving Minseok a thumbs up.

“And I go there a lot to hang out,” Baekhyun adds, “The college kids really love me.”

“The college kids recognize you from your videos and want to fuck you,” Luhan corrects, raising an unamused eyebrow to Baekhyun.

“Same difference,” Baekhyun says with a wave of his hand. “And, you’d have Chanyeol…if he didn’t drop out.”

“I hated it!” Chanyeol whines, “It was miserable! Besides, buying the ice cream shop was the best decision I’ve ever made…I have so much money now I just bought my mom a new car!”

“Where’s _my_ new car?” Baekhyun glowers.

Chanyeol sputters, “I recall buying you a car three years ago, you spoiled little brat.” He smiles at the offended look Baekhyun gives him. “You make more money than me anyway! Where’s _my_ new car, Mr. Porn Star?”

Baekhyun smiles and gets a dreamy look in his eyes, “You really think I’m a star? That’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever said to me!”

They continue to bicker and poke fun at each other, and Minseok just sits back and watches, a smile permanently on his face. Luhan wraps an arm around him as he joins Chanyeol in making fun of Baekhyun’s first actual porn shoot and the stupid, cheesy lines he was forced to recite. Minseok’s told Baekhyun that he’s never seen it, but he’s definitely seen it and laughed with Luhan over how awful it was.

 

 

Minseok is quiet as the car rolls along the dark interstate. He’s thinking about high school and how fast it went by, about how much worse it would have been were it not for Baekhyun and Jongin, and Luhan, especially. He wonders if his parents even know that he graduated today; maybe his aunt called and told them…maybe they cared. Even if just a little.

“You’re unusually quiet tonight,” Luhan says from the driver’s seat, eyes flitting back and forth between Minseok and the road ahead.

“I’m just thinking,” Minseok replies softly, giving Luhan a small smile he doesn’t know if Luhan actually sees or not.

Luhan hums and places a hand just above Minseok’s knee, squeezes a bit. “What about?”

He doesn’t know what to say. He’s not really thinking about anything in particular, kind of just a general everything. “I don’t know,” he finally says with a sigh, “everything, I guess.”

“Look,” Luhan starts, giving Minseok a quick glance, “if it’s about me asking you to marry me when I was very drunk the other day…I just want to apologize again. I know we’ve only been dating for like two and a half years—“

“Luhan.”

“—and I mean, I was like really, very drunk—“

“Luhan.”

“—and I really don’t know what I was thinking. I mean it’s not that I _don’t_ want to marry you, because I do, I just—“

“Luhan!” Minseok shouts, laughing when Luhan finally shuts up and looks at him, his eyes wide and mouth ready to continue apologizing. “It wasn’t that.” He momentarily blushes at Luhan saying he wants to marry him. “I was thinking about how much better high school was because of you, even if you were only around for a little of it; I’m glad you were there for me.”

“Oh,” Luhan says; he clears his throat and is thankful it’s dark so Minseok can’t see the blush in his cheeks. “Well, I’m glad for that too.” His grip on Minseok’s leg tightens and they share a quick smile before Luhan looks back to the road.

 

 

Minseok is very specific about his bath time ritual. First he fills the tub, waiting until it’s halfway before adding one of the many fancy bath bombs Luhan has in a special container just for him. Then he adjusts the temperature, not too hot, but not lukewarm either; he likes to spend time just soaking and doesn’t like the water to cool too much before he’s done. Once he shuts the water off, he undresses, folding his clothes and placing them neatly on the counter beside the toiletries. He places a towel at the edge of the tub; one of the soft, fluffy ones he begged Luhan to buy for him. Then he turns on his bath time playlist on his phone, which he sets atop the towel, so the sound isn’t too far from him.

Baths are Minseok’s special relaxation time. Something he takes very seriously, and holds dear in his heart.

But tonight, there is nothing methodical about the way he and Luhan frantically strip their clothes off as they make their way to the already filled tub. Clothes litter the floor; Minseok trips trying to pry a sock from his foot, all the while, his and Luhan’s lips are attached and Luhan is roughly squeezing Minseok’s ass with both hands.

They fall into the tub together, hissing because the water is just this side of too warm, but they ignore the burn on their skin in favor of the burning intensity shared between them. Minseok eagerly rides Luhan, who has his arms propped up behind him against the edge of the tub, eyes wide, watching the way Minseok’s breath hitches every now and then. Luhan thinks he’s most beautiful like this, carefree, his inhibitions stripped away to let himself moan and whimper, drag his nails across Luhan’s shoulders. It’s perfect, just like this, Luhan thinks when Minseok’s head falls back to let out a moan that echoes throughout the large bathroom.

Shortly after, with both their faces flushed and breathing still ragged, the tub is drained and the shower turned on. Luhan would have been fine as is, but at Minseok’s insistence, they step into the shower together where Luhan massages shampoo into Minseok’s hair for him. This is, arguably, more relaxing than a bath Minseok thinks to himself as he lets out a contented sigh. The way Luhan’s fingers feel against his scalp, gently caressing down his back, over his hips, he wishes it would never end.

 

 

“You know,” Luhan says, face hidden behind the towel he’s drying his hair with, “you never opened the present I gave you earlier.”

Minseok is already dried off and dressed, reclining comfortably on the couch in his favorite big shirt that he stole from Baekhyun, who stole it from Chanyeol. “You’re right!” He smiles and bounces himself into a sitting position, holding his hands out to tell Luhan to give it to him.

He’s handed the same small box from earlier, and only now does he realize it looks very much like the type of box jewelry comes in. He nibbles at his bottom lip and starts to pull the top of the box off, but is stopped by Luhan.

“Before you open it, I just wanna say I’m so sorry for how cheesy I’m going to sound here in a minute.” Minseok gives him a confused stare, and Luhan motions for him to finally open the present.

It is, in fact, jewelry. But, it’s not your typical ring or necklace. It’s a bracelet; there are no diamonds in it for once, something Luhan really likes to give to Minseok. He smiles; it’s a charm bracelet. There’s a small cat, a little cup of coffee, an ice cream cone. A few of the charms are just shapes in pastel colors Luhan knows Minseok likes. But, the one that stands out, the one Minseok can’t figure out, is a small silver snowflake. Minseok looks up, “What—“

“It’s because there’s no one like you,” Luhan says simply, knowing what Minseok was going to ask. “No two snowflakes are alike. Each one is unique and special, just like you.”

Minseok means to smile, he really does, but instead, his lips turn down and his chin quivers.

“I’m…sorry?” Luhan says in a panicked confusion.

“No, shut up!” Minseok cries out, tears now falling from his eyes. “Don’t apologize, stupid. That’s the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. You’re so dumb why are you saying sorry?” He laughs now, through his tears, and wipes at his face with the back of one hand.

“I— you’re crying?” is Luhan’s intelligent answer.

“It’s because I’m happy and I love you so much.” He gets up, carrying the bracelet with him, and wraps his arms tightly around Luhan’s waist. He presses his face into his chest. “I love you even if you’re kinda stupid.” He laughs again and Luhan joins in as he kisses the top of Minseok’s head.

 

 

The morning is going to be a busy one. There’s lots to do, and Luhan does not want to wake up when the alarm on Minseok’s phone goes off. He only partially wakes, just enough to silence the alarm before stretching an arm out to pull Minseok against his side. Only, Minseok isn’t there; his arm lands on cool sheets instead. This wakes him fully and he sits up, narrowing his eyes as he looks around the dimly lit room.

He finds Minseok sitting on the floor in the living room, back pressed against the couch and his arms circling his legs pulled up to his chest. Luhan sighs softly and goes to sit beside him, rests his head on Minseok’s shoulder.

“What are you doing down here?”

“Thinking.”

Luhan hums, “Thinking again? That can’t be good.”

Minseok suddenly shrugs, jostling Luhan’s head. “I’m…scared to go to college.” He leans his cheek against Luhan’s head and sighs. “What if no one likes me? What if my classes are too hard? What if—“

“There’s no way in fucking hell that’s gonna happen, Min.” Luhan pulls at Minseok, maneuvering his head into his lap. “You’re the most likeable, smartest person I know. You’re going to be fine in college.” He brushes fingers through Minseok’s hair and gazes down at him. “Tell me what’s really bothering you.”

“I—“ Minseok pouts and begins picking at the hem of his shirt nervously. “What if we both get so busy we don’t see each other anymore and then we start to drift apart and then _really_ never see each other again?”

It all came as one long, rushed sentence and, if it weren’t for the absolutely terrified look Minseok is giving him, Luhan would have chuckled.

“I would drop out of school before I let that happen, my dad can go ahead and cut me off for all I care.”

“You couldn’t!”

“I could,” Luhan argues, “and I would, for you. I—“ He pauses to smile bashfully. “I wouldn’t have told you that I wanted to marry you one day if I didn’t mean it. I’m not going to let full schedules ruin our future.”

Minseok gulps, the lump in his throat making it difficult. He doesn’t want to cry right now; he wanted his last day with Luhan to be happy and fun, but he feels like he’s ruining it by being overly emotional.

“I l-love you,” Minseok chokes out, then instantly buries his face in Luhan’s stomach to cry.

“Minnie,” Luhan whispers sweetly. He pulls him up into his lap and holds him securely in his arms. “I promise I’ll never get too busy for you. Even when I’m a CEO; I’ll always have time for you.”

“How can you be so sure?” Minseok’s voice is muffled into Luhan’s chest now.

“Because, if I’m the CEO I’ll make up a fake holiday if I have to, just to take a week off to spend with you.”

This gets Minseok to laugh a little. “That’s sweet…I’m pretty sure it’s illegal, but it’s still sweet.”

 

 

The room is small with plain, stale white walls. It’s ugly, but it’s going to be home for at least the next year. Luhan offered to pay for an apartment for him, but Minseok wanted to stay in the dorms on campus, a decision he’s regretting now.

“This is the last one,” Baekhyun says from behind Minseok, startling him out of his thoughts. “All that’s left to do is unpack.” He throws an arm around Minseok’s shoulder and shakes him. “Shouldn’t take…” he stares at all the boxes stacked up against the empty wall opposite the bed, “…too long.”

Baekhyun pulls his phone from his pocket and types a quick message. “Gotta go!” he exclaims, giving Minseok a quick peck on the cheek, “My Uber is getting impatient.”

“Uber?” Luhan quirks a brow, “You’re calling your boyfriend your Uber now?”

Baekhyun stops walking to the door to laugh and shrug. “Well, he’s been driving me around all day…so I thought it was only fitting.”

Minseok crosses the room to give Baekhyun one more hug, and then Baekhyun is gone, letting the door swing shut behind him.

Luhan has to leave soon as well; he’s got a meeting his father set up with some business partners that he wants Luhan to attend with him. He doesn’t want to go, but it’s mandatory, his father told him.

“You want me to help you unpack?”

Minseok gives Luhan a tight-lipped smile and shakes his head. “No, I’ll do it on my own. You have to go soon, I know.”

Luhan doesn’t say anything, just stares at Minseok knowingly. He reaches out for him and pulls him close, pressing his lips against his hair. “Remember what I told you this morning; I’ll never be too busy for you. I’ll text you when I get home.”

And just like that, the door clicks shut one last time, leaving Minseok alone. He sighs at all the work he’s got ahead of himself; he’s happy orientation isn’t until next week, because it might just take him that long to get everything unpacked.

 

 

Orientation is…well, terrifying. Minseok’s usual anxiety is amped up to a ten today, and for good reason: the number of people gathered in the large auditorium has exceeded his expectations and he can’t figure out where he should sit.

There’s an empty seat beside a group of rowdy boys, which Minseok easily passes on. Another option is next to a middle-aged woman holding a crying baby. He quickly scans the room and spots an aisle seat, the only neighbor being a young girl keeping to herself.

“Hello,” he says shyly, giving the girl a quick sideways glance. She gives him the same unsure side-eye and picks at her nails, greeting him just as quietly. “Um, what’s your name?”

She looks to Minseok now, eyes wide like he’d just offended her. “I’m, um…Soojung. But, a lot of people call me Krystal because they can’t pronounce my name.” Minseok smiles.

 

 

“Soojung?” Baekhyun laughs loud; Minseok has to pull the phone away from his ear. “A whole campus full of new people, and you make yet another Asian friend. You never cease to amaze me, Minnie.” There’s a pause. “Is she hot?”

“I don’t know?” Minseok answers seriously, “She’s…pretty?”

Baekhyun sighs. “You’re not helping. Does she have a Facebook? Tumblr? Insta? I want to see what my replacement looks like.”

Minseok hopes Baekhyun can hear his frown. “She’s not replacing you.”

“You met her and went to go get ice cream together. That’s exactly what we did the day we met, she is, as far as I’m concerned, replacing me.”

“Stop it,” Minseok whines, shifting to curl up on his side, his phone pressed between his pillow and ear. “You’re not being funny.”

“Luhan replaced me, first. Now it’s _Soojung_.” Baekhyun’s laugh cuts off Minseok’s angry whine. “I’m messing with you, Minnie. I’m happy you made a new friend already.” They share a comfortable silence for a minute. “I miss you.”

“I miss you too.”

 

 

Minseok really enjoys his classes. He realizes he may have registered for too many, but he knows he’ll be able to manage. His science class is his favorite. It was his favorite in high school too, so it only makes sense that he would love a college level version.

One thing he could do without is the copious amounts of homework he has, and it’s only the first week.

He’s sitting in a café he found while looking for an ice cream shop to go to with Soojung after orientation. It’s a cozy little place with white painted brick walls inside, and it gives him a welcoming feeling. The coffee is really good, too; they even do cute little latte art which makes him squeal with joy.

He’s typing away on his laptop when someone suddenly sits across from him. He looks up, his glasses perched at the tip of his nose, and smiles. “Jongin!”

“Hey, Min, what are you up to?”

“Homework, drinking coffee.” He looks around, “I feel at home here.”

Jongin hums. “I figured you’d stumble your way in here eventually. This place is like…you if you were a coffee shop.”

“Thanks!”

They chat a little; Jongin orders an iced-tea and gets a piece of cake for himself and Minseok to share. Jongin has to leave after about an hour for his part-time job, but promises Minseok they’ll hang out soon; he wants to see Minseok’s dorm and also meet this new friend Minseok seems so excited about.

 

 

Jongin meets Soojung a week later. Minseok invites both of them over to watch a movie; it’s cramped in his dorm, but Soojung doesn’t seem to mind having to press close to Minseok so the three of them can fit on the bed.

When the movie ends, Soojung leaves and Jongin stays. Baekhyun video calls Jongin and the wide smile Baekhyun already has scares him.

“Is she hot?”

“What?” Jongin asks.

“Soojung,” Baekhyun says like it’s obvious, “Is she hot?”

“I don’t know,” Jongin shrugs, “She’s pretty?”

Baekhyun’s eyes roll dramatically as he sighs, “You both are useless, I swear.” Someone off screen shouts Baekhyun’s name and his eyebrows raise, “Gotta go! Cameras are waiting for me!” He blows a kiss and the screen goes black.

“Is Luhan coming to visit this weekend?” Jongin asks, rolling over onto his stomach and resting his chin on Minseok’s outstretched arm. He reaches up to play with Minseok’s hair, chuckling at how quickly Minseok’s eyes slip closed.

“I’m not sure. He said he wanted to, but I don’t know yet.”

“I’m sure he’ll come,” Jongin says through a yawn. He stretches out, rolls over again and rubs the small spot of his stomach not covered by his shirt. “I’m tired as hell, cool if I sleep over tonight?” But, he’s already halfway to snoring by the time Minseok can answer him.

Minseok wakes up in the morning with a groan, an arm over his face and a knee jammed against his crotch. He rolls over to untangle himself from Jongin, intent on going back to sleep, but Jongin’s phone rings. He sighs and reaches over Jongin to swipe his phone from the table beside the bed. He gasps.

“Sehun!” Minseok shouts, smiling wide at the confused expression on Sehun’s face. “Good morning! Or, night! What time is it there?”

“It’s,” Sehun leans over, Minseok assumes, to look at the time, “a little after one right now.”

“Oh cool, so what are you up to?”

“I was actually calling to talk to Jongin. Why do you have his phone, by the way?”

Minseok flips the camera, showing Jongin’s slumped, sleeping body to Sehun, who laughs. “Jongin slept over last night; I woke up with his knee smashing my crotch.” He smiles when he flips the camera back to his own face. “Do you want me to wake him up?”

“Yeah,” Sehun says, “wait!” he shouts, halting Minseok mid-reach for Jongin’s shoulder. “I know that bitch has morning wood, squeeze it. I wanna see the dumb ass face he makes when he wakes up like that.”

Minseok makes a disapproving face, but shrugs, reaching out to do just as Sehun had suggested. He flips the camera again just in time for Sehun to see Jongin jolt awake with a surprised yelp.

“Minnie, what the…” he frowns at the phone in Minseok’s hand, “Sehun, you idiot.” He snatches the phone from Minseok’s hand and flings himself up off the bed, trudging toward the bathroom and shutting the door loudly behind him.

Minseok gets up too. He checks his phone for texts from Luhan and frowns. Nothing. Not even a good morning. Jongin exits the bathroom laughing loudly and ruffling his hair with the hand not holding his phone.

“I’m gonna go get breakfast on campus, wanna go?” Minseok shakes his head. “Alright, I’ll see you later, Min.”

“Bye Minnie,” Sehun shouts through Jongin’s phone as he’s exiting the room.

 

 

Minseok is dressed up today for no particular reason. He felt like looking pretty, so he passed on the jeans and slipped on leggings and a pretty, flowy purple t-shirt. He smiled at himself in the mirror as he styled his hair and then swiped a few different shades of eyeshadow over his eyelids, finishing it off with eyeliner that Baekhyun had taught him how to perfectly wing back in high school.

It’s not until he gets to the door of his class room that he gets nervous. What if the kids here are like the ones back in high school? What if they make fun of him? He’s suddenly feeling like going back to his dorm.

“Hey, Minseok!”

He turns; Soojung is standing a few feet away, grinning happily at him. “You look pretty! I like your eyeliner!”

“Thank you,” he says, almost shouts, because he’s so relieved. Even if other kids have something to say, at least he knows Soojung appreciates the effort he put into his appearance today. She compliments his shirt as they walk to their seats together.

To Minseok’s surprise, no one comments on his makeup, or his outfit. It’s a new feeling, no one making fun of him for what he’s wearing. No one really even pays any attention to him. It’s nice. He was even complimented by a few other girls, and one boy, as he walked across campus to his math class.

He feels oddly confident because of this. He knew college would be different than high school, but he didn’t expect things to go this well. It’s almost unsettling, but he doesn’t let it get to him; he won’t let his anxiety tear down how good he feels about himself for once.

 

 

He’s spilling with excitement when he finally makes it back to his dorm. He’s been waiting, impatiently, all day to call Luhan and tell him how great the day went. And also, to maybe touch himself for Luhan’s viewing pleasure.

He kicks his shoes off and locks his door. He’s shimmying out of his leggings as he taps his phone screen, pressing the call button beside Luhan’s name. He’s already half hard thinking about the things Luhan will say to him, the mean words that he’ll say, the things he’ll tell him to do; his entire body is vibrating with excitement.

But, Luhan doesn’t answer.

It’s disheartening, but Minseok keeps the small smile on his face, albeit, with great effort. He sighs and settles for sending Luhan a quick text.

_To: Luhan  
Hey Lulu! I guess you’re busy…I just wanted to tell you I had a really good day today. I was nervous to go to class with makeup on, but a lot of people complimented it! It felt really good. I hope you had a good day too!_

Luhan’s reply comes an hour later while Minseok is busy at his desk, scribbling notes from his biology textbook.

_From: Luhan  
sorry i missed your call babe, my dad made me sign up for some dumb ass young businessmen’s club thing it was the worst lmfaoo anyway im really happy that today went so well for you. wish i coulda been there to see you with your head held so high_

Minseok’s smile couldn’t be wider if he tried. He skips texting back and goes straight to video calling him.

“Hey babe,” Luhan says after one ring; he’s smiling. He’s sitting at his desk, Minseok can tell by the background. His hair is wet and he’s shirtless. “Tell me about your day now.”

Minseok doesn’t skip any detail. He recalls the day bit by bit, eyes focusing somewhere off screen as he thinks of more things to say. Luhan watches quietly, fondly, letting Minseok ramble happily.

“Have you been back to the cute café?” Luhan asks when Minseok is finished recapping his day.

“I have! I took Soojung last time and she liked it a lot!”

“Soojung?” Luhan leans forward, resting his chin in the palm of his hand. “Who’s that?”

Minseok frowns, “I didn’t tell you about her? She’s a new friend I made at orientation! She’s shy just like me, and talks really quiet, too! She comes over and watches movies with me sometimes!”

Luhan hums, “That’s cute, kitten.”

“Are—“ Minseok narrows his eyes, moving his phone closer to his face, “Are you touching yourself right now?”

“ _Mmh_ , I might be,” Luhan purrs, tone suddenly sultry.

Minseok giggles, “You’re so bad.”

“And you’re my good little girl.”

 

 

The laundry room is Minseok’s least favorite place on campus, strictly because laundry is Minseok’s least favorite thing to do. He piles his dirty clothes into his hamper and drags it down the hall and into the elevator; he wishes the laundry room was on his floor.

The lights are flickering when he walks in and it just adds to the overall eerie vibe of the small, musty room. There are only a couple other people in the room, one sitting atop a washer, and the other at one of the few small tables, appearing to have an argument with someone over the phone. He takes a deep breath and steps through the doorway. Jongin told him to never trust his clothes alone in the dorm laundry room, so he sits at a bench under the only window and plays around on his laptop.

“Do you have a phone charger?”

Minseok looks up and his jaw hits the floor. It takes him a moment to get words out. “M-Mark?”

“Uh. Do I know you?”

Minseok scrambles to his feet, carelessly pushing his laptop onto the bench beside him. “We went to high school together! I-I’m Minseok! I was…the kid everyone made fun of?” he tries, thinking that would jog the boy’s memory.

“Minseok! Right, I remember you!” His expression turns to one of concern and he scratches at the back of his neck. “You uh, had it pretty rough back then. Um…I-I hope things have been better for you.”

Minseok nods, maybe a little to enthusiastically, “They have. I’ve been great. How about you?”

Mark is only a little taller than Minseok, with dark hair and eyes that match. He dresses well and has a pretty smile, and an even prettier laugh. Minseok pulls the phone charger from his laptop bag and hands it to Mark as they both sit.

He was the first crush Minseok ever had. The person who solidified Minseok’s thinking that he liked boys. Mark was always nice to him, when everyone else was pointing and laughing, pushing and shoving him against lockers and walls, kicking him when he was down; Mark was never one of those kids, and that’s something Minseok appreciated about him.

They sit together and chat a bit about what they’ve been up to since Minseok transferred schools. Minseok tells him about how he made friends at his new school; he spends a good amount of time telling him about Luhan, too.

“I had a crush on you, back then. You were the only kid that was nice to me.” He’s blushing; he’s not sure why. “I thought you were cute.”

“I know,” Mark says with a goofy smirk.

“Oh, well…”

The buzzer for Minseok’s dryer goes off and he hurries to go get it, eager to get himself out of the awkward situation he put himself into. He pulls open the door of the dryer and begins shoving his clothes into his hamper, and then scurries out of the small room giving Mark a friendly wave goodbye just before turning the corner.

He gets to his room out of breath and confused with his own reaction. Why did he just run away like that? What was he running from? He just power walked down the hall like Mark was chasing him; he can’t help but laugh at himself.

 

 

Minseok has looked everywhere. He’s torn his room apart, adding to his anxiety, because he _hates_ mess and clutter. His bed is unmade; everything on his desk has been shifted around. He even tore through his backpack, laptop bag and dresser drawers. But, he can’t find his phone charger anywhere.

He could just call Jongin to ask to borrow his, but his phone died last night before he went to sleep. He didn’t realize his charger was misplaced until he went to plug his phone in.

He sighs, “How did I lose it?”

The breakfast he makes for himself is a little sad and mildly depressing; he wishes he would have let his aunt teach him how to cook now. So, he’s eating overcooked ramen, the fancy, expensive kind Luhan got at an Asian market and brought as a dorm warming gift. He wants to send a picture of himself eating it to Luhan, but his charger is still missing, and so his phone is still dead.

A knock at his door while he’s washing dishes startles him. He’d been swaying to a song and not expecting any visitors.

“Um, hi? Mark.” He’s confused.

But, Mark smiles. “You forgot your charger yesterday when you rushed out with your laundry.” He holds his arm out and swings the charger dangling from his fist in Minseok’s face. “I had to ask around to figure out which room was yours.”

Minseok takes the charger and thanks him, asks if he’d like to come in and hang out.

Mark refuses politely, “But, we definitely should hang out soon.”

 

 

Soon turns into four days later on Wednesday, when Minseok only has one class and a lot of free time to sped sipping coffee. He didn’t realize how small campus was until Mark walks into the coffee shop, spotting Minseok almost instantly; they give each other an acknowledging smile.

“Hey,” Mark says as he takes the seat across from Minseok, “you doing homework?”

“Oh, no,” Minseok shakes his head, turns his laptop screen toward Mark, “I’m just looking for things to buy my kitties.” He scrolls through the page and smiles at all the different collars and cute, tiny cat clothes. “They hate clothes, but they look so cute in them.”

“How did you manage to get cats into the dorms?”

Minseok smiles, but it fades quickly. “They’re back home, at my aunt’s. I miss them.”

Minseok is surprised by how interested in his cats Mark is; he asks tons of questions about them and asks to see pictures of them. He laughs at their names, but swears that they’re cute. When Minseok’s phone rings, he ignores it, too enthralled with getting to ramble on and on about Sweet Potato and Grandpa.

At some point, Mark catches a glimpse of the time and apologizes to Minseok, who’s mid-sentence, and tells him he has to get going. He slips his jacket back on and stops suddenly, asking Minseok for his number so he won’t have to hunt him down again like before.

 

 

“What were you doing earlier when I called?” Luhan asks; he’s not angry, just curious.

“I was at the coffee shop with Mark, telling him about Sweet Potato and Grandpa! He thought they were really cute when I showed him pictures.” He’s finished talking, but Luhan doesn’t say anything, so he continues. He tells Luhan about meeting Mark and misplacing his phone charger.

Finally, Luhan speaks. “I’m sorry I couldn’t make it out there to see you this week.”

“Or last week,” Minseok adds.

“Or last week,” Luhan sighs, “My dad is working my ass off, Min. It’s driving me fucking crazy. But, I’m coming to see you Friday whether my dad has plans for me or not,” he pauses, “I miss you.”

 

 

Minseok spends a nice weekend with Luhan. They go out to dinner, watch a movie while cuddling in his bed, and on Sunday night when Luhan leaves, Minseok’s got a few bruises and hickeys he’ll have to cover up for class the next day.

He doesn’t let Luhan go at first, when they hug just before Luhan gets in the car. He doesn’t want to let him go; he doesn’t want him to leave. Minseok isn’t sure why, but it’s got his anxiety resurfacing, making his hands tremble when Luhan finally pulls out of the hug.

When he’s back in his room, curled up under warm blankets, he starts crying. He doesn’t even know why he’s crying, but he can’t stop. It’s terrible. But, he eventually falls asleep.

 

 

It happens two days later when Minseok is walking to class, humming to a song with his backpack slung over both shoulders. He can see the guy staring at him; a lot of people stare at him when he wears skirts, but it’s something he’s gotten used to, so he ignores it.

He can’t ignore the hand on his shoulder, though.

“Can I help you?” he asks, pulling one earbud from his ear. His eyes are wide as he looks up at the boy holding onto him.

“Why are you wearing that?”

“W-what?”

“You know you’re a guy, right? Why are you in a skirt?” The guy looks Minseok’s body up and down, the disgust clear in his expression. He picks at a piece of Minseok’s recently dyed pink hair and scoffs.

The tears pool in Minseok’s eyes instantly and all he can do is stammer. “I-I…I…” He wishes Luhan was here, he’d tell this kid off for him. But, Luhan isn’t here; he’s all alone in the hall with this boy that hates him for no reason. “I’m sorry,” he blurts out, and then hurries off down the hall to his class.

He doesn’t look up from the ground until he’s in his seat. He opens his book to a random page and just stares at it, not actually reading anything. The way his head is tipped down has his tears falling onto the page. When he takes his phone from his pocket the screen is blurred, so he wipes his eyes with his sleeve, sniffling to try to calm himself.

_To: Luhan  
Hey Lulu, what are you up to today? I hope you’re having a good day._

He waits, there’s still a few minutes until class starts, so he stares at the screen, hoping Luhan will reply.

_From: Luhan  
hey babe im just chilling at home right now. i have class later tho. my day is good how about you? you okay? _

A small, shaky smile forms on Minseok’s lips. He doesn’t want to ruin Luhan’s good day.

_To: Luhan  
Yeah I’m okay. My day is good too._

Luhan’s reply is instant.

_From: Luhan  
you sure? you never text me when youre in class. did something happen?_

_To: Luhan  
I promise I’m okay! I just miss you is all._

He gets another text from Luhan, just saying he misses him too, that he’ll come see him soon, and then he puts his phone in his pocket, gets up, and leaves class. He cries the entire walk back to his dorm.

 

 

Waking up the next morning, Minseok knows something isn’t right. He feels like he’s gone back in time, back before he made any friends, before he transferred schools and met Baekhyun. He feels the same way he did the day he swallowed a bottle of pills while locked in his aunt’s bathroom. He gets out of bed, gets himself half-dressed, and then decides against going to class.

This continues for a week.

 

 

“Kim Minseok!”

His door swings open and he bolts upright in bed. It’s the middle of the day and he’s confused because he knows his door was locked.

“Oh, baby,” Baekhyun’s voice calls out, much softer now; all fight has left him. “What did you do to your hair?” He sits beside Minseok on the bed and runs fingers through his uneven, self-cut hair.

“What are you doing here?” Minseok whimpers as he leans into Baekhyun’s touch.

“Better question, what are _you_ doing here? Don’t you have classes today?” He watches Minseok’s eyes shift to the floor. “Why haven’t you been going to class?”

“How do you know I haven’t been going?”

“Your friend Soojung asked Jongin and Jongin asked you,” Baekhyun says. “Then when you ignored his calls, he asked me if I’d heard from you.” He sighs and narrows his eyes at Minseok. “And I thought that it was weird I hadn’t heard from you all week. So, I’m here to find out what’s wrong.” Minseok doesn’t answer and avoids Baekhyun’s gaze. “Minnie?”

Minseok gasps and bursts into tears, flinging himself face first into Baekhyun’s chest.

“Minnie,” Baekhyun repeats, voice laced with concern, “really, what’s wrong?”

Minseok removes himself from Baekhyun and straightens up, lips quivering as he prepares to speak. His entire face crumbles and he wails, “I don’t w-want to be me a-anymore!”

This admission hurts Baekhyun’s heart; he tightly wraps his arms around Minseok and kisses the top of his head, blinking his own tears away. He just holds Minseok, body jolting as he tries hard to keep himself from crying. “Don’t say that,” he whispers into Minseok’s hair.

“Wh-why do I have to be like this?” Minseok asks, pulling at his hair with both hands. “I j-just want to—“ he chokes back a sob, “be normal.” Baekhyun can’t stop the tears that fall as he uses his sleeves to wipe at Minseok’s cheeks. His face is pale and splotchy red, and everything about this situation is destroying Baekhyun on the inside; he’s never seen Minseok like this before. Minseok takes in a deep, shaky breath and meets Baekhyun’s eyes, “I-I just want people to stop m-making fun of m-me.”

“Come here.” Baekhyun scoops Minseok up and gets comfortable on the bed, lying on his side with Minseok pressed close, his face buried in Baekhyun’s neck. Baekhyun doesn’t know what to say, if there is anything, that could make Minseok feel better. So, he remains silent, rubs his hand up and down Minseok’s back in slow circles, and lets him cry.

When Minseok calms, Baekhyun finally asks what he’s been thinking for the past few minutes. “You haven’t found a new therapist yet, have you?” Minseok’s lack of a response is Baekhyun’s answer. “Minnie, you haven’t had your meds since you started school?”

“Please don’t tell Luhan,” Minseok whispers, too afraid to look at Baekhyun.

“Get up.” Baekhyun insists, pulling the blankets off Minseok, but he resists. “Min, I’m not joking, get up.” He tugs the blankets again and successfully removes them from Minseok’s grip. “I’m taking you to the hospital, or doctor, wherever it is you need to go.” Minseok doesn’t move; Baekhyun sits up with a heavy sigh. “Min, you gotta take care of yourself.”

“I know,” Minseok whimpers, bottom lip trembling. “I’m sorry.”

Baekhyun’s features soften and he presses his forehead to Minseok’s, “You don’t need to apologize, Minnie. Just come with me.”

 

 

They find a small doctor’s office near campus and spend a few hours inside. Minseok gives a new doctor the name of his old doctor, the name of the medication he was taking up until he left for school; it’s an easy process. They still have to check him out, refer him to a new therapist, but he’s assured he’ll get the help, and the medication, he needs soon enough.

Baekhyun stays with Minseok. He takes him to a pharmacy to pick up his prescription and they go out to eat.

“Will you stay tonight?” Minseok asks when they’re back in his dorm late in the evening.

Baekhyun has a lot to do the next day, but he smiles and slips his shoes off. “Of course I will. I’ll help you fix your hair, too.”

 

 

Nearly a month goes by before Luhan finds out. Minseok knew it would happen, especially with Baekhyun being the only one who knew; he’s honestly impressed that Baekhyun kept the secret for as long as he did.

Luhan isn’t mad, though. He sounds worried on the phone, Minseok thinks. He assures Luhan that he’s got a new therapist, that he’s been taking his medication for weeks now and he’s doing much better. Luhan apologizes at the end of their conversation; he feels terrible for not being there for him, even worse that he didn’t even realize anything had been wrong.

“It’s okay,” Minseok says, voice small, “you’re busy with school and work, I understand.”

“I am,” Luhan agrees, “but, it’s a shitty excuse. You’re more important to me than school or my dad’s stupid company. I’m sorry,” he says again.

 

 

Minseok experiences his first college party on New Year’s Eve. It’s loud and smells like stale beer inside the house, and Minseok’s just glad he convinced Jongin to come with him, since Mark, who’d invited him, is nowhere to be found.

Jongin spends a lot of his time rolling his eyes at drunk freshmen as he leans against a wall sipping from a red cup. Minseok is drinking too, not like the other freshmen around him, but he’s feeling a nice buzz. He’s been texting on and off with Luhan all day; he’s supposed to be joining them at the party soon, and Minseok can’t wait to see him. It’s been almost a month since he last saw his boyfriend and he has a lot of skin that could use some attention.

With each refill of his cup, Minseok feels lighter and lighter. He’s not even sure what him and Jongin are talking about, but Jongin is smiling and then spills his drink on himself. Minseok is laughing at the wet spot on Jongin’s crotch and, when arms slip around his waist from behind, he screams and flings himself at Jongin.

“You’re so mean!” Minseok slurs, turning to see it was just Luhan. “You didn’t tell me you were here already.”

“I wanted to surprise you,” Luhan smirks, grabs Minseok to pull him against his chest. “Didn’t mean to scare you.”

“Lulu, can we go back to my dorm?” It’s whispered into Luhan’s ear, but Minseok can’t regulate his volume, so Jongin wiggles his eyebrows at Luhan from behind Minseok’s back.

“Are you drunk, kitten?” He knows the answer, but he hasn’t seen Minseok in a while and wants to tease. He drags a finger from Minseok’s chin, down his neck, and slips it under the neckline of his shirt; Minseok shivers. “Let’s stay a little longer so I can get on your level.” He enjoys Minseok’s needy pout.

 

 

The door slams with the force of Minseok being shoved against it and, as much as he loves being pinned against things, he just really wants to make it to the bed.

“Where is it,” Luhan whispers, lips still pressed to Minseok’s skin.

Minseok gasps when Luhan bites down on his collarbone. “Th-the bed…under the bed.”

“Perfect. Strip and get on the bed, lay on your back.” He watches Minseok do as he’s told, smirking at how quickly he goes from fully clothed to wiggling out of his panties and hopping up on the bed.

Luhan casually crosses the room, taking his sweet time reaching under the bed, pulling the box out. He briefly wonders if any of Minseok’s new friends know what he keeps hidden under his bed, if any of them know what a freak the sweet little boy they know really is. He hopes not.

He plucks a bottle of lube from the box and holds it up in Minseok’s line of sight. “Almost empty. You must touch yourself a lot, huh?” He sits beside Minseok, runs a hand up his torso, and grabs him roughly by the chin. “Do you come thinking of me, kitten? Thinking of all the things you want me to do to you? All the bruises you want me to leave on your pretty, pretty skin.”

Minseok nods frantically; his eyes are closed now, too embarrassed to look at Luhan. “Ye-es,” he hisses finally, body jolting when Luhan’s fingertips circle his bellybutton.

“Look who remembers how to use his words.” He places the palm of his hand on the head of Minseok’s cock and slowly drags his open hand down. Minseok is already panting, bucking his hips for more contact, but Luhan doesn’t give him what he wants.

“Please,” Minseok begs, uses the pretty, soft voice he knows Luhan likes. And, it almost seems like Luhan is going to give in but, with a smirk, he removes his hand from Minseok’s skin.

“I think,” Luhan starts, rearranging himself on the bed and slipping his shirt off, “I’m gonna take my time with you tonight. Make you really beg for it.”

And, beg he does. With tears streaming down his face and head held up (Luhan tells him if he drops his head he’ll stop), he begs over and over, begs Luhan not to stop, to go faster because the hand moving slowly on his cock and the dildo Luhan slides in and out of him slowly just isn’t enough.

He’s been just at the edge of coming for nearly thirty minutes and it’s painful; every time he’s ready to come Luhan stops, slaps his ass in the same red, abused spot. He knows Luhan’s got to be aching himself; they haven’t done this in so long, there’s no way Luhan can hold out for much longer.

“God, Luhan just fuck me already!” Minseok wails; his legs are trembling to the point he can’t hold himself up any longer and he falls, face planting into his pillow. He quickly flips himself over and pulls Luhan down on top of him. “I can’t…I can’t anymore,” he rasps, breathing heavily. “Make me come or I’ll do it myself,” he cries out, thrusting his cock against Luhan’s thigh.

Luhan chuckles, the sound muffled against Minseok’s neck. He kisses and nips at the skin there, then begins moving down, chest, stomach; he bites Minseok’s hip bone.

“W-what are you…Ah!” Minseok’s entire body goes rigid; it’s not very often that Luhan sucks him off, so this is a nice surprise. He tries to ask, wants to know if he’s allowed to come now, but his jaw is clenched so tight he can’t get the words out. He just hopes Luhan doesn’t stop and isn’t angry when he inevitably comes down his throat.

The orgasm hits Minseok so hard his ears ring and all he can think is how warm Luhan’s mouth is, and how perfect everything feels in this moment.

 

 

Visits with Luhan become less and less frequent as time passes into the new year. Luhan’s father’s company is working through a lawsuit right now, so all his free time is spent in the office doing work he doesn’t care for, and Minseok took three more classes than any of his friends; he’s very busy this semester.

Between lectures and seven classes worth of homework, he still works in time for his friends; and, Baekhyun still drops by unannounced from time to time (only walking in on Minseok masturbating once).

 

 

The last day before mid-terms Minseok is invited to Soojung’s to watch a movie and eat snacks, and that’s something he just can’t pass up, no matter how much studying he had planned for the night.

He’s greeted with the kind of hug he gives Baekhyun when he hasn’t seen him in a while, and he stumbles back, giggling when Soojung apologizes with flushed cheeks.

Her apartment is much nicer than Minseok’s dorm, with a separate bedroom, she has an actual living room with a couch for them to sit on. So, they bundle up under lots of blankets, many different kinds of snacks surrounding them, and watch Finding Nemo.

“Can I come scoot up to you?” Soojung asks not long into the movie. She grimaces, “I’m cold.”

Minseok doesn’t look away from the screen and nods, opening his blanket on one side, allowing her to slide up next to him.

Minseok doesn’t even make it to Marlin finding Nemo before his late nights in the library finally catch up to him, and he dozes off.

 

 

His eyes flutter open and try to focus. He can tell by how it feels that his head is resting on Soojung’s shoulder, so he moves to sit up, hoping he wasn’t laying on her for long and making her uncomfortable. He wants to look up at her and smile, maybe make a joke about falling asleep, but he’s cut short.

She leans in the few inches it takes to press her lips to Minseok’s.

His eyes nearly explode from his head and he shouts, flings himself against the arm of the couch. “What are you doing?”

Soojung’s eyes are comically wide, but there’s nothing funny about it to Minseok, and she looks mortified. “I-I thought…” her expression is sad and pained, and she has trouble keeping eye contact with Minseok. “You never talk about Luhan anymore…I thought…maybe you guys…you know?”

“What?” Minseok’s voice is louder than it needs to be for how close they still are to each other. “We didn’t break up!” He stands, shoves his arms into his jacket and storms to the door to slip into his shoes. “Even if we did I…I wouldn’t…I don’t…like you!” The face Soojung makes at Minseok’s poor choice of words makes him falter, but only for a second. He slams the door behind him.

 

 

Everyone, for some reason, thinks what happened between him and Soojung is hilarious. Minseok just can’t see it that way. He feels terrible; he knows he hurt her feelings. But, he can’t fix it; she won’t talk to him and is actively avoiding him, in person and his calls and texts.

He doesn’t tell Luhan. It’s not that he thinks Luhan will be mad, it’s that he doesn’t want to have to tell Luhan that he can understand why Soojung thought they had broken up. It’s been weeks since Luhan made time to come see him.

And, it honestly hurts. His birthday is in a few weeks and he doesn’t even know if he’ll see Luhan.

 

 

Mid-terms breeze by, and so does Minseok’s birthday. As it turns out, he does not, in fact, see Luhan. He tries not to let it hurt his feelings, and Baekhyun, Chanyeol, and Jongin singing happy birthday to him helps, but he can’t seem to really feel the smile he’s got on his face.

“Minnie!” Baekhyun shouts as he throws an arm over Minseok’s shoulder. He’s very obviously drunk; he’s a little too handsy, and Chanyeol has to nearly pry him off of Minseok. “You’re like a tiny adult man now, oh my god! My baby!”

Minseok’s smile is real this time. He watches Chanyeol console a crying Baekhyun and turns when the couch cushion beside him dips.

“He said the same thing last year when you turned eighteen,” Jongin says, casually sipping from his bottle of beer. “How old do you think you’ll be before he stops saying it every birthday?”

Minseok shrugs.

“Luhan wishes he could be here just as much as you do, you know,” Jongin says, giving Minseok a little nudge with his elbow.

“It doesn’t seem like it,” Minseok pouts. He hasn’t spoken to anyone about his feelings toward Luhan except for Jongin. He knows it’s not entirely the same situation, but Jongin has a pretty good idea of the situation he’s in. He knows Jongin understands better than anyone else.

“He loves you,” Jongin nods mostly to himself, “Even if it doesn’t feel like it right now, he does.”

“I know,” Minseok whispers, watching Baekhyun and Chanyeol kiss across the room. He hides his jealousy by taking a large gulp from his drink. He gives Jongin a quick onceover, “How’s Sehun?”

“Good, good.” He smiles around the bottle pressed to his lips. “He told me he’s coming home next year, for sure this time.”

Minseok perks up at that. “Really?” He bites his bottom lip and squeezes Jongin’s bicep. “I bet you’re really excited!”

Jongin tries to play cool, but he can’t stop the wide grin from forming. He looks at Minseok with little crescent eyes and nods happily. “I can’t wait to see him not through a computer screen.”

“I’m happy for you,” Minseok says genuinely.

Jongin studies Minseok’s face for a second and then pats the top of his head. “Don’t think too much. Luhan will come back eventually, too.”

 

 

Minseok thinks about Jongin’s words for the rest of the night. Is Luhan gone? Did he really lose him like Jongin lost Sehun? He hides under his covers in bed, like he used to when he was a kid, and stares at his phone. Three more minutes left of his birthday; there’s still time and he still has hope. But, he watches 11:59 turn to 12:00 and, with a sigh, he places his phone on the table beside him.

Luhan forgot his birthday.

He really is gone.

 

 

Finals week is stressful, more so than mid-terms. Looking back, Minseok wishes he wouldn’t have taken the extra classes now, even if it did put him way ahead of schedule for his associates degree. He might not make it through finals to ever see said degree.

He’s in the library, books piled high around him, notes scattered across the table; his hands are trembling from the amount of coffee he’s downed in the past hour, and he’s still waiting for Mark to come back with food for them.

“Hey,” Mark says, just as Minseok’s stomach grumbles loudly, “sounds like I got here just in time, huh?”

Minseok smiles wide and nods happily. “I’ve never been so happy to see you,” he says, grabbing the bag from Mark’s hands, “What did you bring?”

“Sandwiches and—“

Minseok squeals, “Ice cream!” He pulls the wrapped plastic spoon from the bag and tears it open, “You’re the best and I love you!”

“Woah Min, I didn’t know our relationship has progressed to that point already.” Mark raises a sarcastic eyebrow and laughs.

“It just did when you brought me ice cream.”

“You know,” Mark says, unwrapping one of the sandwiches, “I’ve been wanting to ask, and tell me if it’s none of my business, but…I’ve been wondering why you don’t wear skirts or anything anymore.” He watches Minseok ponder for a moment before swallowing and giving a tight-lipped smile.

“A boy made fun of me a while ago and…I kinda had a mental breakdown.” He stabs at his ice cream a few times, thinking back to the day he’d cut all his hair off in his small bathroom. “He didn’t like that my hair was pink either and it made me self-conscious, so I…” he makes a pained face and groans, “I took scissors to my hair, too.”

Mark looks pissed; he has the same look in his eyes Luhan used to get when people would give Minseok dirty looks. “That’s bullshit, you should have told me.” He puts his sandwich down and bangs a fist on the table. “You should have shown me the guy, I woulda beat his ass for you.” He scoffs, “So what if your hair was pink? Or, that you wear skirts? How does that affect him in any way?”

Mark reminds him so much of Luhan; Minseok giggles and the sound snaps Mark out of his momentary rage. “It’s okay, really. I’m fine now.” He looks at the table and smiles to himself, then beams up at Mark. “Thank you, though.”

They finally get some studying done, helping each other with flashcards and study guides. It’s well into the night when they finally finish up and Minseok is beat; he’s ready to get home and fall into bed.

He and Mark say their goodbyes and part ways outside the library entrance, but not before Mark pulls Minseok into one of his signature tight hugs and tells him to start wearing skirts again, “They look nice on you”.

 

 

Baekhyun storms into the coffee shop and falls into a chair. Minseok is watching him from across the room in confusion; does he not realize Minseok is already here? Baekhyun seems restless, continually rearranging in his seat, dragging fingers through his tangled hair. Minseok smiles and pulls his phone out.

Baekhyun answers on the first ring. “Hey, I’m here. Where are you?”

Minseok holds back a laugh. “I’m sitting across from you, dummy.” He watches Baekhyun’s eyebrows raise as he looks around the room, perking up when he finally spots Minseok.

“Hey,” Baekhyun says, sliding into the booth beside Minseok; he gives him a quick peck on the cheek. “What’s up?”

“Uh,” Minseok looks around, “I don’t know, Baek…you’re the one who asked me to come out, so you tell me what’s up.”

Baekhyun moves so suddenly to grab his face it startles Minseok. “Can we go fuck in your dorm, please. I’m dying.”

“…Wha—“

“Look,” Baekhyun interrupts, still squeezing Minseok’s cheeks, “I already called Chanyeol and he can’t meet up today, and my stupid company has had me doing some stupid sex where I don’t get to come, and I’ve masturbated seriously like ten times in the past three days and…Min please, I’m literally gonna die if you say no.”

“Are you crying?” Minseok asks, trying his best not to smile because this is one of the funniest things he’s ever seen.

Baekhyun grabs Minseok’s hand, placing it on his half-hard dick under the table and whines pathetically. “Minnie.”

Minseok does laugh now and he stands, pulling at Baekhyun’s arm to follow him. “Let’s go, you big horny baby.”

Baekhyun hugs Minseok from behind as they walk and he peppers Minseok’s head with kisses, whispering how thankful he is and how much he loves Minseok.

“Hey!” Minseok yelps and swats at Baekhyun’s roaming hands. “Wait till we get to my room for that,” he says, biting into his lip and raising a seductive brow. Baekhyun groans and pushes Minseok forward faster.

 

 

When they make it to Minseok’s floor Baekhyun’s hands and mouth are unstoppable. Before they even reach the door Minseok’s shirt is half-unbuttoned; his hair is a mess and he’s panting; Baekhyun’s had a hand down Minseok’s pants since they hit the second floor in the elevator.

Minseok has to rest his head on the doorframe to gather enough focus to slip the key into the lock, but Baekhyun’s lips suddenly on his neck halts him immediately. He moans and leans into Baekhyun’s body behind him, pushing his ass back, making Baekhyun gasp.

“Fuck, open the door,” Baekhyun whispers, voice low and trembling. He grabs Minseok’s hair and pulls his head back, exposing his neck and pulling a whimper from him.

“Minseok?”

His eyes snap open and he turns toward the voice. “Soojung, hey,” he says awkwardly, painfully aware that Baekhyun’s hand is still in his pants cupping his dick; he just knows Baekhyun is loving every second of this.

“I-I…I’m sorry!” Her face is a deep red and she looks like she wants to disappear. “I-I just wanted to talk, but I can see you’re busy!” She doesn’t give Minseok a chance to answer before rushing off toward the elevators.

Minseok lets out the moan he’s been fighting and Baekhyun snickers against his neck, pausing to suck a hickey into the skin. “If you didn’t like dick so much,” he thrusts his hips against Minseok, “she’d be perfect for you.”

With a groan, Minseok finally gets his door open and he pulls Baekhyun in by the shirt. Baekhyun takes a second to appreciate the way Minseok looks, like he wants nothing more than Baekhyun’s dick inside him right now.

“Get naked, let’s do this,” Minseok says impatiently tugging his own shirt off; he grins at the goofy smile Baekhyun gives him.

 

 

Baekhyun comes inside Minseok embarrassingly quick and has to suck Minseok off afterward.

“That must be a record for you,” Minseok teases, but Baekhyun is too busy basking in his post-orgasm afterglow to care. “So, what have you been doing at work that’s got you like this?”

Baekhyun throws an arm over his eyes and groans. “It’s so stupid I’m honestly embarrassed to tell you.” He sits up and leans back against the headboard, motioning for Minseok to come cuddle. “It’s called Pacific Rimjob,” his eyes roll, “and I have no idea what it has to do with the actual movie, but one guy is dressed like a robot and it legit makes me not want to be in porn anymore.”

Minseok stares, just gapes at Baekhyun in awe. And then, he bursts into loud, tear-filled laughter. “Pacific Rimjob! Oh my god, that’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard! I have to watch it when it comes out!”

Baekhyun sneers, “Please don’t.”

 

 

They stay in bed for a while talking, catching up since it’s been weeks since they last hung out.

“So like, is Luhan gonna be mad that we just fucked? I know he doesn’t really mind about other stuff…but like—“

“He’ll never know,” Minseok interrupts, his tone bitter.

“Are things okay between you two?”

Minseok just shrugs. “He’d actually have to talk to me for me to know the answer to that.”

Baekhyun makes a face somewhere between confused and angry. “He hasn’t been talking to you? For how long?”

“He didn’t even wish me a happy birthday,” Minseok says, fighting tears.

Baekhyun’s expression is solely anger now. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“No, it’s fine…it’s okay.” Minseok sighs sadly, but the smile he gives up to Baekhyun is bright and cheerful. “I-I have to learn to live my life apart from him. I-I can’t always rely on him being there for me every single day.” He looks down at his hands in his lap, “Even if I want him to be.”

“Your therapist?”

Minseok nods, sniffles. “She said she thinks this will be good for me, even if I hate it.”

Baekhyun pulls Minseok close and kisses the highest part of his cheek, snuggling their faces together after. “Good for you or not,” he says, taking Minseok’s hands, “if Lu doesn’t get his shit together I will kick his ass. I warned him in high school not to break your heart or I’d make his life miserable…and I meant it.”

“I know you did,” Minseok says softly, turning to get himself more comfortable in Baekhyun’s hold.

A moment passes in silence and then Baekhyun is silently laughing to himself. “So like, how scarred do you think Soojung is?”

Minseok bangs the back of his head against the headboard and groans, “I forgot about that. If she didn’t hate me before she definitely does now.”

 

 

Minseok feels really good about today. Not only was it his first day of his last semester before he’ll receive his associates degree (all that hard work on extra classes really did pay off), but Soojung called him last night and very nervously asked if they could meet up and finally talk about what happened between them.

He brushes his hair that’s grown back quite a bit, now back to his natural black, and throws on one of the many hoodies he’s _borrowed_ from Luhan over the years. He’s excited; Soojung is a really good friend and he hurt her feelings, and he’s felt terrible about it. He’s happy he finally gets to talk things out with her and hopefully clear up any misunderstandings between them.

But, his good mood is dampened when he gets to Mocha. The lights are off; he peeks inside and makes a small, disappointed noise. His favorite coffee shop is closed down. He can’t understand how. The small café was always so busy, packed with caffeine deprived college kids who’d spend a small fortune to keep themselves awake long enough to finish a homework assignment. He pouts.

“Hey, Minnie,” Soojung says from behind him, tapping him gently on the shoulder. “Why do you look so sad?”

Minseok sighs, “Mocha is closed down.”

“Oh, yeah.” She looks uncomfortable, eyes darting around anywhere but at Minseok. “I guess the owners just up and moved away and let the business close,” she gives Minseok a small smile, “I know it was your favorite place…I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright.” He takes a deep breath, “Lets go get ice cream or something.”

 

 

There’s a small ice cream place a few businesses down, so they decide on that. They’re quiet as they walk, as they stand in line beside each other; they order and go find a table.

“I’m sorry,” Soojung says, poking at the strawberries in her bowl. “I…shouldn’t have kissed you that night.” She sighs, clearly still angry at herself, “I don’t know what I was thinking. You had every right to be mad at me.”

Minseok pulls the spoon from his mouth and quickly shakes his head. “I wasn’t mad.”

“You weren’t?”

“Not at you,” he shrugs, then sits up straight in his chair and places his spoon in his bowl. “In high school there were lots of girls that liked me…one kissed me once too.” He’s blushing as he recalls the memory. “I wasn’t mad that you kissed me; I was mad because I understood why you thought me and Luhan broke up.” He reaches out to pat at the top of Soojung’s hand lying flat on the table. “I’m sorry for what I said, you know. I didn’t mean for it to come out the way it did.”

“I know you didn’t mean it like that,” Soojung sighs now, “I-I know you like guys. I knew it wasn’t anything personal against me. I’m really so stupid for kissing you, but I just…like you so much and I couldn’t help it.”

“Baekhyun told me the other day that if I didn’t like guys, you would be perfect for me.”

Soojung blushes hard at this, hiding her smile behind a hand. “Don’t say that,” she whispers, “it’s embarrassing.”

For the first time, looking across the table at Soojung, Minseok can totally see what Baekhyun was talking about.

 

 

A while later, after they’ve talked and apologized, gave each other a hug and made up, Soojung gets a scary grin and leans forward. “So, you and Baekhyun, huh?” She wiggles her eyebrows the way Minseok has seen Baekhyun do so many times. “Does Luhan know that you two were getting cozy together?”

Minseok blushes so red he swears he can feel his organs warming. How can he possibly look her in the eyes and tell her that Luhan not only knows, but encourages him and his best friend getting freaky together?

“He, um…he knows,” Minseok says, biting down on his bottom lip. “He uh, likes to watch us sometimes, actually.” He knows his face must be bright red by now; talking about sex so openly like this has never been something he’s good at. “I’ve had lots of threesomes with them.”

The look of absolute shock on Soojung’s face matches Minseok’s and he almost laughs. “I don’t know what to say. Lucky you.”

“Lucky me?”

Soojung laughs, “Baekhyun and Luhan are both really cute and you get to sleep with both of them,” she explains. “Min you get to have sex with an actual porn star.”

Minseok starts to chuckle but cuts it short with a curious look at Soojung. “How do you know he’s a porn star?”

 

 

“I don’t watch porn!” Soojung whines as they exit the building together. She’s been trying to defend herself for the past ten minutes and Minseok won’t believe that she doesn’t spend all her free time watching Baekhyun fuck on camera. “Minnie! You have to believe me! I don’t watch it; I just happened to see him one day and that’s it!”

He chuckles and gives her a grin that says he doesn’t believe her. “And you just happened to see when you _weren’t_ watching porn?”

She sighs, “Okay, fine,” she relents, “so I was watching porn.” She looks at Minseok but quickly shifts her eyes away, unable to hold eye contact. “You act like you never watch it.”

“Never said I didn’t,” Minseok teases, enjoying the tight-lipped glare Soojung gives him, “but, we were talking about you.”

She takes his arm and drags him down, shaking him a little. “You’re the worst,” she whines.

 

 

April is a good month. He lives in Florida so it never really gets too cold, but it’s like summer has _officially_ arrived along with the bright sun and hot _hot_ temperatures Minseok has grown to love ever since he’s stopped being afraid to wear skirts.

It’s 83 degrees and Saturday, and Minseok has no homework, no classes, no responsibilities for the day. Luhan texted him earlier, asking how he is; he ignored him in favor of enjoying the sun shining on him through the trees he’s lying under outside his dorm.

He brought a book with him, and snacks, and he’s just being lazy enjoying his day. And then, his phone rings and his heart drops to his stomach; a lump form in his throat.

“H-hello?” he says, voice meek and trembling.

“Minseok? Is that you?”

He takes a deep breath, “Yeah. Yeah, mom, it’s me.”

There’s a pause. Minseok doesn’t know if he should say something or wait for his mother to speak first. He chews his bottom lip. “H-how are you?” he asks.

“Good, sweetie. How about you?” She sounds unsure, like she’s carefully choosing every word she speaks.

“Good.”

Another pause, longer this time. Minseok is shaking, nervously ripping at the grass beneath him. He hasn’t spoken to his mother in almost five years, and he can’t imagine why she’d be calling him now, all of a sudden.

Finally, his mother breaks the silence.

“I know you probably hate us,” she starts, “and you probably think your father and I hate you, but…sweetie, we miss you.”

That is definitely not what he was expecting. The lump in his throat grows and he’s lost for words. His mouth opens multiple times but nothing comes out.

“Your aunt told me you’re doing well in school,” she takes a deep breath, “And, that you have a...a boyfriend. I’m happy for you.”

He doesn’t miss the way she hesitates at the mention of Luhan. He wonders how much his aunt told his parents about what’s going on in his life. He wonders when they’d even talked to her, why his aunt didn’t tell him. He’s many different kinds of confused and hurt right now. But still, it’s nice to hear his mother’s voice.

“Thank you,” he says softly.

“I know it may be sudden, but I— your father and I both were hoping you’d come see us, Minnie. It’s been so long, baby, we miss you terribly. And…we’re sorry, honey, so sorry.”

It feels like an out of body experience, hearing those words; like he’s floating above himself watching this happen. They miss him? They’re sorry? There’s a storm of confusion and anger and fear swirling in his head, and he doesn’t know how to put what he feels into words.

“It’s been five years,” is what he finally says, tears building in his eyes, “why now?” He can hear his mother sniffle and clear her throat; she stammers a few times before responding.

“I wanted to call you so many times. I’ve dialed your number more times than I can count, but I was too afraid to ever go through with the call. You must have hated me, and I don’t blame you, Minnie, I don’t.” She sighs. “Sweetie, just please come home. We miss you and love you, and just want to see our baby again.”

“You kicked me out when I was fourteen.” He swallows thickly and decides to ride his sudden burst of courage to the end. “I had no friends, nowhere to go, my parents hated me.” His tears finally begin to fall. “I tried to kill myself and woke up in the hospital without you or dad there. Do you have any idea how much you’ve hurt me? And…and you just call me up, call me sweetie, and ask me to come _home_?” His voice is shaking and he only hopes his mother picked up on his bitter tone at the end. “Your house hasn’t been my home for a long time.”

“I didn’t want to tell you over the phone,” his mother sighs; Minseok’s anxiety peaks. “Your father is…he’s um, sick, sweetie.”

“What do you mean?” Minseok asks, eyes wide.

“Minnie, he just wants to make things right with you.”

 

 

“My dad is dying.” Minseok’s voice is a numb monotone. He’s sitting on his bed staring at the wall above his desk. He’s not crying, too in shock to let the tears fall. He called Luhan the second he closed his door. “My mom called me earlier, told me to come see them because he’s dying and wants to fix things between us.”

“Wait…what? Holy shit. Are you okay?”

“I think so?” His chin trembles. “I don’t know,” he whispers.

“I’ll go with you,” Luhan says, “if you decide to go, I mean. I won’t let you do that alone; I know it’ll be hard.”

Minseok lets out a shaky breath and smiles to the best of his ability. “Thank you.” He picks at a string sticking out of one of his blankets and sighs. “I think I’m gonna go. If my dad is…if he’s dying…I want to see him before, you know…”

“Yeah, yeah I know. Um…” Luhan, for once, doesn’t know what to say. “Let me know when you want to go and I’ll be there.”

 

Minseok calls his mother back three days later. He tells her he’ll come see them Saturday morning. He calls Luhan as well, lets him know when he wants to go, and Luhan says he’ll be there.

Except, Saturday morning rolls around and Minseok has called Luhan six times and sent multiple texts, all with no response. He’s freaking out. He calls Baekhyun, Jongin, even tries Soojung; no one answers. He doesn’t want to do this alone.

“Mark?” Minseok says in a panic when his call is answered. “Can you do the biggest favor for me ever?”

 

 

“I haven’t seen them in years,” Minseok says from the passenger seat of Mark’s car; he’s giving him a brief rundown on why this is such a huge, terrifying deal to him. “They hated me and kicked me out when I was fourteen and I haven’t spoken to them since…until last Saturday.” Mark gives him a quick, disbelieving look. “My dad is dying,” Minseok says simply. “I don’t know how I feel. I’m sad…I guess.” He sighs. “He said he wants to apologize for the things he said and did when I was younger.”

Mark scoffs suddenly, “And, Luhan isn’t here because?”

“I don’t know,” Minseok whispers. “I tried calling him a bunch but he never answered.” He smiles sadly, “I’m sure he’s just busy.”

“He shouldn’t be too busy for this.”

Minseok knows Mark is absolutely right, but what’s the point in saying anything? He just turns to look out the window, leaning his head against it. The tear that falls from his eye lands on the door and he quickly wipes his face. It’s going to be a long drive and he doesn’t want to spend it crying over Luhan.

 

 

His parent’s house looks just as it had the last time he saw it, the day he walked away with nothing more than a small backpack filled with clothes. He’s been trying to convince himself to open the car door for the last ten minutes, listening to Mark’s reassuring words, but not really hearing them. He’s terrified. He no longer wants to do this; he doesn’t know if he _can_.

He really wishes Luhan was here.

“Will you come in with me?” He looks to Mark and knows he must look pathetic, if the expression Mark is giving him is any clue.

Mark smiles, “Of course.”

 

 

The inside of the house is just as he remembers it as well. It’s strange being in this house again, after so much time away. Every single place he looks brings back a memory he thought he’d forgotten. When his father yelled at him until he cried, huddling in the corner of the kitchen, because he was wearing lipstick. His mother looking at him with disgust when he told her he liked boys, sitting on the couch in the living room. He has plenty memories of this house, none of them good. He momentarily thinks about leaving, that this isn’t worth reliving so many painful memories, but Mark squeezes his knee under the table and it’s calms him, comforting him enough to stay.

His mother is pouring tea for them when his father finally enters the room; Minseok’s heart stops. He’s terrified of his father, has been since he was a young child. But this man, the one taking the seat across from him at the kitchen table, doesn’t look like the intimidating man he remembers. He looks sick. He looks…ashamed.

“Hi dad,” Minseok says, surprised at himself for speaking first. “How are you?”

“Been better, son,” his father says with a small, unsure smile. He’s not looking at Minseok, busy focusing on stirring sugar into his tea. “How are you? How have you been?”

“I’m good. I’ve been good. I’m almost done with my associates degree,” he adds for lack of anything better to say.

His father’s smile widens just a bit and he nods. “I’m proud of you.” He’s looking up now.

Minseok’s breath stutters and he chokes on whatever he was going to say. He has to look out the window above the sink and blink away tears. “I…I-I…”

“It’s okay,” his father says.

He bursts into tears, burying his face in his arms on the table. He never thought this day would happen, that his parents would welcome him back into their home, that his father would say he was proud of him. It’s everything he’s ever wanted and he doesn’t know how to handle his wide range of emotions.

He wants to hug Luhan.

When he eventually pulls himself together and looks up, his father is wiping away tears, his mother sitting beside him rubbing his back.

“I’m sorry for how I treated you, Minseok. I should have been—” his chin trembles and voice breaks, “I should have been a better father. I should have accepted you for who you are.” He breaks down then, body shaking, “You should have never tried to— you shouldn’t have ended up in the hospital. It’s all my fault.”

Minseok stares at his father, tears streaming down his cheeks, falling onto his lap. “It is all your fault, but…” he takes a slow, deep breath, “I forgive you.”

It’s something he always knew he’d say at some point in his life. He forgives him, forgives both of them.

“I love you,” his father says, just above a whisper.

Minseok’s face twists, teeth chattering from how much effort it’s taking him to not cry. “I love you too,” he admits, “I’m sorry…f-for never coming back.” He looks at his father, really looks, and can see just how sick he is, how little time he must have left. If this moment could have just come sooner, he would’ve had so much more time with him. He regrets all the time he spent staying away now.

His mother reaches across the table and takes one of his trembling hands in hers. She smiles, but it’s sad, regretful. “You’re welcome back anytime, Minnie.”

 

 

Minseok learns his father has stomach cancer, only diagnosed a few weeks ago. He’d starting seeing signs that he ignored for weeks but, as the doctor told him, a few weeks earlier wouldn’t have mattered; it was too far gone already. He was given three months to live, if he was lucky, and all he could think of was Minseok.

“You were the first thing I thought of when he told me,” his father tells him. They’re sitting on the couch in the living room now, just Minseok and his father; Mark is in the kitchen with his mother pretending not to listen to their conversation. “Knowing I only have so much time left really made me see what a prick I’ve been all these years.”

Minseok has a lot to say, so many things he’s never told his father. All he can manage is, “I don’t want you to die.” He’s bordering hyperventilation; his father rubs his back, trying to calm him. “Isn’t there anything the doctors can do?” he asks, voice desperate. “There has to be something!”

His father just smiles, squeezes his shoulder.

“L-L-Luhan is r-rich,” he stutters, “he can p-pay for anything!”

“Who’s Luhan?” his father asks, cleverly trying to steer Minseok’s thoughts away from his illness.

Minseok whimpers, hiccups back a sob. “He’s…my boyfriend,” he says sheepishly.

“Tell me about him.”

 

 

Getting in the car, Minseok is numb. That went better than expected, but also worse. On some level he feels better; his parents finally accept him, love him for him. But, on the other hand, he only has three months to make up for the past five years he’s missed with his father. It’s hard knowing someone isn’t going to be around for long.

“Well,” Mark says as the car slowly pulls away from the house, “that was intense, and I feel like I so should not have been the person there with you for that.” He side-eyes Minseok, “Nothing against you though, that was just a really private matter, you know?”

Minseok only nods, not feeling much like talking; he’d done enough of that for one day.

Mark can’t stand to see Minseok so down, so he pulls off the freeway and into the nearest ice cream place. Ice cream always cheers Minseok up; he’s hoping it’ll work this time.

Minseok does perk up, not by much, but he thanks Mark for trying. They spend a lot of time just talking as they eat, Minseok working through the feelings he couldn’t manage to sort back at his parent’s. Mark isn’t his therapist, but he’s a really great friend, and he tries his best.

 

 

They don’t go straight back to campus; Minseok isn’t ready to go sit in his room alone with his thoughts just yet. So, they go shopping, go see a movie; Mark even pays for dinner for the both of them.

By the late evening Minseok’s mood has lifted noticeably, and he’s ready to just get back to his bed and sleep. It’s been a long, emotional day and he’s ready for it to be over. Mark comes up with him, just for a minute; he needs to grab a book he’d left there a few days before.

 

 

They’re laughing about something that happened in the movie when Minseok swings his door open, startled by Luhan sitting on his bed. The smile, and any prior joy Minseok had felt, instantly disappears.

The glare on Luhan’s face has Minseok confused. “Get the fuck out,” Luhan nearly growls at Mark.

Minseok stops Mark mid-turn toward the door with a firm grasp on his arm. He looks to Luhan, eyebrows drawn together. “Maybe you should leave,” he snaps at Luhan.

Mark’s laugh is awkward and he raises both hands in front of himself in surrender. “Uh, no, I’ll go. See you tomorrow, Min,” he says before hurrying through the door.

The second the door clicks shut, all anger is gone from Luhan, expression turned regretful. “Look Min, I know I fucked up. I know today was a big deal…a huge fucking deal.” He runs aggravated hands through his hair and sighs. “Those stupid business partners of my dads kept giving me drinks at the business meeting last night and I got so fucked up I slept through my alarm.” He sighs once again, looking like a kicked puppy when he meets Minseok’s eyes. “Min, I promise I wanted to go with you. I promise—“

“You promise?” Minseok interrupts, scoffing in disbelief. “You promised you’d never be too busy for me but I haven’t seen you in over a month.” He lets out a breathy, incredulous laugh, eyes rolling to fight back tears. “And now you’re finally here…and it’s only so you can apologize for missing the most important thing that’s ever happened to me.”

Luhan reaches out for Minseok, desperately wanting to touch him, to pull him into his arms. Minseok recoils, steps back toward the door and opens it, stepping aside to make a path for Luhan to leave. “Just go.”

Luhan doesn’t move. He grits his teeth hard, fists clenched at his sides. He knows this is exactly what he deserves, but it hurts all the same.

“I said get out,” Minseok says, voice surprisingly steady.

Luhan listens, taking reluctant steps to the door. He stops and faces Minseok once he’s in the hallway, unable to speak, but pleading with his eyes.

Minseok’s chin trembles as he looks at Luhan and his eyes line with tears. “My dad told me he’s proud of me today.” And, he shuts the door in Luhan’s face, making sure to lock it.

 

 

“I’ve been telling you guys for years that Luhan is an asshole,” Sehun’s voice calls out through Jongin’s laptop, “but no one ever listens to me.”

Minseok smiles; he appreciates that Sehun is uncharacteristically trying to cheer him up. Shutting the door in Luhan’s face is the hardest thing Minseok has ever done, Jongin and Sehun, and himself, especially, can’t believe he actually did it. He was just so, _pissed off_.

“I bet he’s at home crying like a little bitch,” Sehun continues; he’s not looking at them, too busy focusing on the video game he’s playing off-camera. He curses when he dies and turns to look at his computer with a wide smile, “I didn’t think you had anything like that in you, dude. I’m impressed.”

“Thanks, I think.”

Jongin chuckles now and nudges Minseok’s side. “He’s trying to be supportive,” he says, “in his own weird, Sehun way.”

“If I was you, I would have broken up with him.” Sehun sits back in his chair and looks up, mouth hanging open. “If I was you I would date someone better than Luhan…which is like everyone, by the way.”

“Be nice,” Minseok giggles, “I’m mad at him, but not that mad.” He shrugs, “I still love him—“

“You just don’t like him right now,” Jongin finishes for him, making Minseok laugh again as he nods.

“Neither does Baekhyun,” Minseok admits. “I told him what happened and I think he said something about removing his limbs with surgical precision.” He makes a face and shakes his head, “I don’t know, he was angry and talking very fast…I’m honestly not sure what all he said.”

“Surgical precision!” Baekhyun screams, slamming through Jongin’s door, startling even Sehun who isn’t there. “I’ll fucking kill him.”

“How the hell did you get a key to my apartment?” Jongin says in confusion, clutching his chest over his pounding heart.

“I have my ways, don’t doubt me.” Baekhyun wedges himself on the couch between Jongin and Minseok and glares at Sehun on the computer screen. “Hi,” he says shortly, quickly turning to Minseok, “I’m going to murder your boyfriend, but first tell us about how seeing your parents went.”

 

 

Chanyeol shows up a little later into the night. It’s nice, the four of them crowded onto Jongin’s small couch, Sehun on Skype. It’s been a long time since all of them were together and, Minseok misses Luhan just a little. At the same time, he’s glad Luhan isn’t here. He doesn’t want to see Luhan, or hear his apologies.

He’s an emotional wreck right now. Seeing his parents again, finding out his dad is dying, Luhan missing something so important; he doesn’t know how to cope with all of this happening at once. But, Baekhyun is here with him, and that’s comforting enough.

Minseok looks around at all his friends and smiles, a warm feeling building in his chest and, he starts to cry.

Sehun is the first to notice; he gets Baekhyun’s attention and nods toward Minseok sitting at the end of the couch in tears.

“Minnie?” Baekhyun says softly, reaching out to grab his arm. “What’s wrong?”

Minseok looks up, tears falling freely; his mouth is open, lips trembling, and he just smiles and shakes his head. The smile quickly turns to a more pained expression and he puts his head down, gasping in a deep breath before finally starting to sob.

Everyone else in the room is silent. Even Baekhyun, for once, doesn’t know what to say.

“It-it-it’s too much,” is what Minseok finally says between sobs.

Jongin, Sehun, and Chanyeol all stare at Baekhyun expectantly. Baekhyun’s eyes widen and they begin a whispering argument as Minseok continues to cry. Baekhyun loses the argument and turns, putting a sweet smile on his face, and slips an arm over Minseok’s shoulders.

“Why don’t you come lay in Nini’s bed with me, okay?” He waits for a small nod from Minseok before helping him up and to Jongin’s room.

The rest of the boy’s sit in a stunned silence, never having seen Minseok like that before.

“Baekhyun’s gonna kill Luhan, isn’t he?” Sehun says, a playful smirk on his lips.

Jongin and Chanyeol give each other a quick look, then nod at Sehun. “He’s definitely gonna kill him,” Jongin agrees.

 

 

Baekhyun lays beside Minseok until he stops crying, which takes quite a while. He doesn’t speak, or ask him to stop; he just lies by Minseok’s side and holds his hand as he naturally calms himself. Where their fingers are laced together, Baekhyun rubs at Minseok’s thumb with his own, and squeezes his hand every once and a while to let him know he’s not alone. It’s something that comforts Minseok that Baekhyun has learned over the years.

Inside Minseok’s head, there isn’t a specific thought. There’s an unwelcome mix of fifty different things all eating away at him right now, some good, some bad. He’s glad he finally made up with his parents. Sad his father is dying. Scared of losing him. Angry at Luhan. It’s too much for him all at once and it’s frustrating, and when he’s frustrated, he cries.

He’s grateful for Baekhyun’s silence, more so for his presence beside him on the bed. He doesn’t want to talk about things, because he doesn’t even know where he’d begin, but he also doesn’t want to be alone.

“Baek?” Minseok says with a small voice, “I think I just wanna go to sleep, you can go back out there with them.” He chews his bottom lip; he’s just stopped crying and doesn’t want to start back up.

Baekhyun chuckles and circles his arms around Minseok, pulling him as close as he possibly can be. Minseok wiggles a little, getting himself more comfortable, and Baekhyun kisses the back of his head. “It’s cute you think I’d leave you alone right now,” he whispers. “Go to sleep, I’ll stay right here.”

 

 

_He’s standing on the sidewalk in front of his parent’s house watching them smile and laugh, happy he’s finally gone. There’s a backpack slung over one of his shoulders that feels like it’s filled with rocks, weighing him down, making him unable to move from where he stands. He feels something, unsure of what emotion it is, something he’s felt before but stronger now than ever before. He looks left and he can see his aunt’s bathroom, the cabinet, the locked door; he can see himself sitting on the floor with his back resting on the tub. To his right, much further away, stands Baekhyun with an outstretched hand, a pleasant smile on his face. Jongin is there, and Chanyeol, Sehun and Luhan as well. Black clouds roll in and a sudden rumble of thunder scares him; the sky looks like it’s closing in on him and he knows he has to choose. His heart pounds hard against his ribs, he’s hyperventilating; it’s too much pressure._

He gasps and opens his eyes, entire body jolting and tensing. He sits up and rubs his eyes with his fists, yawning and stretching. The room is still dark, but the unmistakable hue of morning light is beginning to seep in through the vertical blinds covering the window. Minseok looks around, humming in confusion. He’s alone in the room.

When he enters the hallway it’s quiet, void of any sound, which is strange because Chanyeol snores louder than anyone he’s ever heard before. He rounds the corner into the living room, where he expects to see his friends sprawled together on the couch, but the room is empty.

He momentarily wonders if he’s still dreaming. Where could they be?

He reaches for his phone that he’d left on the coffee table, intent on calling Baekhyun, but he’s already got a text waiting for him from said person.

_From: Baekhyun  
i know ur probably confused about waking up alone in the apartment but we have a surprise for you!!! meet us at that cute little ice cream place on campus_

The text is followed by another, consisting of multiple heart and smiley face emojis and, while it’s cute, Minseok is terribly confused. It’s eight in the morning, how the hell did his friends pull themselves out of bed this early to do anything? He doesn’t question their motives any further though, and hurries to step into his shoes and out the door.

 

 

Campus is dead this early on a Sunday morning. Minseok is just glad that Jongin’s apartment isn’t far off campus, so it was only a few minutes’ walk. He passes by a few kids who look unhappy to be awake, out walking around; he wonders where they’re headed and why they look so miserable.

He can’t help but be curious about this surprise. They said to meet them at the ice cream place, the one he’d went to with Soojung, and he knows it isn’t open this early. He also worries that something terrible is going to happen, with Baekhyun seemingly the ringleader in all of this.

 

 

It isn’t until he’s nearly to his destination that he realizes he’s been played by his friends. Minseok can see him standing there with his back to him, oblivious to his presence behind him. He’s met with instant anger, at Baekhyun, and _him_.

“What are you doing here?” Minseok asks, not bothering to hide his disapproval at the person standing before him.

Luhan turns slowly at the sound of Minseok’s voice. The smile on his face says he’s happy to see Minseok, and also that he’s sorry and stupid and loves him very much.

“If you’re supposed to be my surprise you can call Baekhyun and tell him I don’t want it.” He crosses his arms, giving a finalizing huff. “I’m still angry with you.”

Luhan chuckles, it’s awkward and nervous, and he can’t seem to keep his eyes from looking down, or at anything but Minseok. “I’m not your surprise,” he says, stretching an open hand out for Minseok to take, “but I’m taking you to it.”

Minseok’s eyes narrow at the outstretched hand and, reluctantly, he takes it.

 

 

Luhan is nearly dragging Minseok down the street, the younger continually asking where he’s being taken and being ignored. He eventually starts to fight, trying to free himself from the tight grip of Luhan’s fingers slipped between his. But, Luhan doesn’t give up and, within a few moments he’s stopping on the sidewalk and turning so quickly Minseok slams into him.

“We’re here!”

Minseok side-eyes the building and scoffs, crossing his arms in anger. “You brought me to my favorite coffee shop…that closed down, to apologize to me? I can’t believe you!” Minseok isn’t shouting, but his voice is much louder than necessary.

“Min—“

“You probably would have known it wasn’t open anymore if you would have talked to me, like at all, in the past two months!” He’s got an ugly, angry… _hurt_ expression on his face, and tears are streaming from his eyes, meeting in a point under his chin. “But you haven’t!” He slams his fists into Luhan’s chest.

“Min, will you—“

“You didn’t even wish me a happy birthday! You’re the worst,” he punches at Luhan once again, “I hate you!”

Luhan sighs, eyes rolling, “Min, I’m trying to—“

“You promised! You said you wouldn’t get too busy for me!” Another, but weaker, double-fisted punch into Luhan’s chest. “But you are!” Minseok cries, body shaking with each loud, open-mouthed sob, “You’re too busy for me and I hate it; I had to go see my parents without you.” He throws himself at Luhan and buries his face. “I was so scared and you f-forgot about me,” his breath trembles when he gasps in a deep breath. “How could you?”

Luhan wraps his arms around Minseok. Surprised that he doesn’t push him away, he rests his chin atop Minseok’s head and, with a heavy sigh, leans Minseok back and smiles. “Will you just look at the goddamn window?”

The confusion is evident in Minseok’s eyes when he tips his head up to look at Luhan, who’s still smiling, happy as can be, down at him. “What?” Minseok snaps, offended that Luhan obviously doesn’t care how hurt he is. Luhan presses his lips into a thin line, one corner tipped up, and he quickly nods his head toward the window.

Minseok’s eyes roll, “I can’t believe y—“ The rest of his words die in his throat. His jaw drops and the only sound he can manage from his mouth, before he covers it with his hand, is trembling gasps as he breathes in and out. “You...” He brings his other hand to his mouth and shakes his head in disbelief, tears still falling, but for a different reason.

“I knew the shop closed,” Luhan says, voice soft and careful, near to Minseok’s ear. “I bought it last month; I was gonna give it to you as a graduation present. I know how much it meant to you and I didn’t want you to lose it.”

Minseok couldn’t stop himself from shaking if he tried. He blinks quickly, clearing the tears blurring his vision, and lets out an incredulous laugh. All over the window are little cats drawn with window paint, in all of Minseok’s favorite pastel colors.

“I got Jongin and Chanyeol to help,” Luhan says, noticing the way Minseok’s eyes scan the window, “they’re better at drawing than me.”

But, what Minseok can’t take his eyes off of, what has him questioning if he’s actually fast asleep in Jongin’s bed, dreaming, is the single question written in big, glittery pink writing.

Luhan clears his throat, “Minnie. Kitten.” He looks between himself and Minseok where their hands are joined and smiles, letting out a disbelieving huff. But then, his eyes meet Minseok’s, his hand cups Minseok’s cheek, and Luhan’s eyes begin to water.

“Kim Minseok, will you marry me?”

Minseok is smiling so wide it looks like it should hurt, but he nods, covers his mouth with one hand again and with more certainty than he’s ever had about anything in his life, he gasps, “Yes!”

Luhan instantly bursts into happy tears, and he picks Minseok up, kissing him hard as he spins them in circles. “I love you so much,” he speaks softly into Minseok’s ear, “and I’m so sorry I’ve been a piece of shit recently.” He sets Minseok down and presses their foreheads together, happier than he’s ever been. “I’ll make it up to you.”

Minseok grabs either side of Luhan’s face and uses his thumbs to wipe away the tears. “You just did,” he says, giving Luhan a sweet kiss on the lips.

“MINNIE!”

The loud voice startles both Luhan and Minseok, and they turn toward the noise just in time to see Baekhyun bursting through the café door, shrugging out of Chanyeol’s attempt at holding him back.

“Oh my god!” Baekhyun is in full tears, makeup running down his face and smeared up into his hairline. He makes a beeline for Minseok and picks him up, spinning him much like Luhan just did. “My baby!” he cries, squeezing Minseok tight around the middle. “You’re getting married!”

Luhan is giving Chanyeol stink eye while he just stands in the door, still confused about how he let Baekhyun get past him. He mouths an apology to Luhan, then exits the building with Jongin close behind him.

“You guys all knew about this?” Minseok asks.

“Only since this morning,” Chanyeol confesses.

“I honestly can’t believe Baekhyun didn’t spill the secret,” Jongin says, “We tried to keep him outta the loop, but you know how hard that is.”

“I know right, I’m so nosy.” He laughs at himself then turns to Luhan with a glare, “Told you I wouldn’t tell him.” Luhan sighs, hands Baekhyun a hundred-dollar bill and rolls his eyes. “Thanks!”

“You wanna go see your coffee shop now?” Luhan asks, placing a hand at Minseok’s lower back. “I had people in there all night working and I think you’re gonna love it.”

 

 

It’s a lot of pink. Small round tables covered with frilly white tablecloths fill the room, each with two chairs that have little cat ears perched atop the backrest. The walls are decorated with posters of all of Minseok’s favorite things, in colors to keep the café aesthetic strong. The counter, with an attached desert display, is made of expensive sparkly white marble, and Minseok honestly can’t believe this is all his.

“You did all of this for me?” Minseok asks, voice shaking in disbelief.

“I did,” Luhan answers; he’s staring at Minseok with an intense fondness, heart nearly skipping beats at the look in Minseok’s eyes.

Behind them, Chanyeol nods his head toward the door, motioning for himself, Baekhyun and Jongin to step outside and give them some privacy. Jongin follows easily, but they both have to literally drag Baekhyun through the door.

“It’s perfect,” Minseok says once they’re alone, “And I love it. And, I love you.” He starts to cry again, “And, oh my god Lulu, we’re engaged.” He rushes at Luhan and slams into him, throwing his arms around him and squeezing. “Oh my god, we’re getting married.”

“We are, kitten,” Luhan speaks softly into Minseok’s hair, “and I can’t imagine doing this with anyone but you.”

Minseok hums his agreement and pulls back. “If you got me an entire coffee shop to propose, I can’t wait to see what my ring looks like!”

Luhan’s eyebrows raise, “Ring?” He laughs when Minseok’s face falls. “I’m only joking, babe, of course I’m gonna get you the biggest, fattest diamond you’ve ever seen.”

Minseok tucks himself into Luhan, comfortable and happy. “I love you,” he whispers, “even without a ring.” And, he means it with his whole heart.

“I know, Min.”

Minseok sighs contentedly against Luhan’s chest. “I still expect a ring though.” 

Luhan can’t help but laugh and wrap his arms tighter around Minseok. He shakes his head in disbelief; Minseok’s grown so much from the quiet, shy, reserved kid he was when they first met years ago. It makes Luhan’s heart swell to know that he was there for all of it, the ups and down, and everything in between. He’s the one Minseok chose to open his heart to, the one he chose to let into his protective shell.

The one he’s choosing to marry.

 

 

They exit the building together and are met with the expectant faces of their friends. Baekhyun looks like he’s ready to burst with excitement. Unable to hold himself back any longer, he snatches Minseok by the wrist and begins walking him down the street. “So what kind of dress are you gonna wear?”

Luhan shakes his head, letting his eyes happily roll at Baekhyun’s ridiculousness.

“So, you really asked him to marry you so he wouldn’t be mad at you?” Chanyeol asks as he steps up beside Luhan, still watching Baekhyun wave his arms as he talks with Minseok.

Luhan takes a slow breath in and sighs. “I’ve been wanting to ask him for a while now, but I’ve been too scared.” He smiles as he watches Baekhyun grab Minseok by the shoulders and shake him back and forth. “Seeing how hurt he was yesterday made me realize I never wanted to see him sad again.”

“Cute,” Jongin coos, giving Luhan a teasing pinch on the cheek.

He can’t help it when his eyes once again line with tears. He’s never been so happy in his life, never been so excited about his future. Sure, at some point he’ll inherit a multi-million dollar company from his father, but it doesn’t mean anything to him if Minseok isn’t there by his side.

“Now, if you’ll excuse me,” Luhan says, placing a hand on Jongin and Chanyeol’s shoulders, “I need to go kiss my fiancé.” He steps away from his friends, course set straight on Minseok. He grabs the collar of Baekhyun’s shirt to pull him away, and looks at Minseok the only way he knows how: like he’s the center of his entire universe.

And, with the sounds of their friend’s shouts and cheers, Luhan crashes into Minseok, grabs his face, and kisses him with every ounce of love and adoration he can possibly convey in a single kiss.

 

* * *

 

Tiny, baby epilogue:

Luhan eventually meets Minseok’s parents and even refrains from punching out his father like he’s always wanted. They absolutely love him and accept him as part of the Kim family without hesitation. Luhan takes Minseok to visit them every weekend and, as the weeks pass, the visits shift from Minseok’s home, to his father’s hospice room.

Sehun returns that summer and Jongin couldn’t be happier. They move in together and continue right where they left off at the end of their senior year of high school. That is, until Jongin has a chance encounter with Kyungsoo at a local bar; they eventually begin dating.

Baekhyun’s career takes off after he manages to land a shoot with a very well-known porn star. He’s living rich in Miami, in some high-rise penthouse with Chanyeol, who’d sold the ice cream shop and, finally, decided to go after his dreams of making music. They still invite Sehun into bed with them frequently.

Catpawccino is a hit with the local college kids. He decides not to continue with school and commits himself to the café fulltime, loving every second of it. Luhan is busy with his father’s company, but he makes sure to call Minseok everyday he doesn’t see him, and he sets aside time every weekend to visit. When they get married on June twenty-third, Minseok’s father isn’t there. He’s sad, but looking at Luhan across from him as he recites vows he’d practiced in front of the mirror a million times, Minseok smiles. He never thought he’d have any of this. Great friends (Baekhyun is standing beside him sobbing like a baby), someone that loves him enough to marry him, his mother sitting front row smiling proudly up at him. He could have missed out on all of this. Looking into Luhan’s tear-filled eyes, he says ‘I do’, and kisses the best thing that’s ever happened to him.                  


End file.
